arian6: "Maybe we could get together sometime and play."
tomekee8: "Yeah that would be fun. My dad just gave me a new x-box.""
arian6: "Maybe I could come over to your house sometime. "What games do you have?"
tomekee8: "I'll show you"
arian6: "Okay, where do you live?"
tomekee8: "I live at..."

"Tommy, are you getting your homework done?" The voice of Tommys mother insistently penetrates the closed and locked bedroom door.

tomekee8: "Hold on."

"Tommy?" The knock on the bedroom door is firm.
"Just a minute, Mom."
"You better have that report finished! It's 10 o'clock. What are you doing in there?"

tomekee8:"My mom's outside. Talk to you later."
arian6: "Okay, but don't forget to tell me where you live, I want to come over."
tomekee8: "Don't worry, I'll..."

"Tommy! It's time to go to bed. Do you have that report finished?"
"Just a minute, Mom."

tomekee8: "kk. Talk to tomorrow."

Tommy exits messenger and feeds some paper into the printer. He races to the door just as the printer starts spewing out printed sheets.
"Almost have it, Mom."
His mother enters Tommy's room, clearly suspicious. "Is that all you've been doing in here?"
"Sure, Mom. What else would I be doing?"

The Secret Wilderness

It's virtually impossible for parents to know what a child is doing online. Today, children can access the web through their own computer, the library or a friend's computer, or even their own cell phone.

We know what the benefits to the Internet are, but we are a bit mystified by the dangers. To those of us who grew up without the Internet, we tend to be either completely naive, or in a perpetual state of overblown hysteria, seeing a pedophile behind every keystroke.

So, what are the actual cyberspace dangers to our kids, anyway?

Because of the anonymity of the Internet, anyone can assume any identity. Even though chats ask for a member profile to be filled out, there is absolutely no guarantee that the information is in any way correct, or that it has to be filled out at all.

Consequently, there is no absolute way of telling whether the person you are chatting with is who they say they are. Does this mean that that person is dangerous or has harmful intent? In nine cases out of ten, the answer is "no."

But there are those few cases in which a pedophile is posing as someone else, and does have harmful intent. Statistics tell us that 1 out of 5 children accessing chat rooms are approached by pedophiles.

How can you possibly know what your child is doing in Cyberspace?

While most parents feel they know what their child is doing online, the truth is that only 25% of all children approached by a pedophile have actually reported it to their parents.

Children accessing pornographic sites (either deliberately or accidentally) rarely tell their parents. And, I can guarantee you, none will tell you about whom they are talking with on the messenger services unless that person becomes threatening or scary in some way.

Then there are the blogs and MySpaces, which are proving to be more and more dangerous as children post private information, pictures of their family and friends, and even their own home addresses and telephone numbers.

The Internet has become an intensely personal place, one where the child can talk to to anyone without supervision, and, in the process, give out sensitive and vital information.

If she herself is not in danger of pedophiles, she can bring YOU into the danger of identity thieves who gain access to your sensitive and vital information posted for all to view by your own child.

Knowledge and Communication are the Keys

The first thing to do, if you haven't done it already, is to completely familiarize yourself with the Internet and what is available to your child.

A good place to start is with the Article "Child Safety on the Information SuperHighway", http://www.safekids.com/child_safety.htm.

Once you have become an Internet Initiate (if you aren't one already), you are ready to sit down and talk with your child about the Internet and its dangers.

Be sure to listen more than you talk, and be sure that you are calm, and not in a state of low (or high level) panic. Gently find out as much as your child will tell you about what she is doing and who she is talking with on the Internet.

Warn her about harmful websites, and ask her to tell you if she accidentally accesses something that is disturbing to her.

Don't stop there find out what shes actually doing

You have to understand that your child will not tell you everything, particularly in the case of an older child, and especially a teenager.

Older children and teenagers, as we parents know, have entered the independent/invincibility realm of human maturation, where they are not going to tell their parents everything (or, perhaps, anything), and don't feel there is any danger to themselves.

They think they can "handle" everything. It's great to try to foster open discussions, but you are going to have to do so knowledgeably.

You are going to have to know what your child is actually doing.

What does monitoring software do?

The good news is that software packages have been created that will enable you to:

1) Monitor your child's emails.
2) Monitor and record all websites visited.
3) Block objectionable web sites.
4) Record keystrokes, including hidden text such as passwords.
5) Monitor internet messenger services.
6) Run unobtrusively in the background.

In addition, the software will automatically email you the records of all activity on your child's PC.

That sounds great but ...

Monitoring your child's PC -- it sounds great, but it's not a panacea.

Obviously, your child has other sources of access to the Internet than the computer at home. She can go to the library, visit a friend's house, or even gain access to the Web by cell phone.

There is no way you can know what is going on in those instances, but you can know what is going on at home. And what is going on there is an indication of what is going on somewhere else.

There is no substitute for communication. Yes, you must regularly sit down and talk with your child about the dangers of the Internet and what she is doing, but by installing PC Monitoring software on her machine, you can do so knowledgeably. You can let your child know that you know and you can block sites you dont want her to access.

Perhaps one way to do it is to monitor her PC use for awhile, then tell her openly what you have done, and show her some of the websites she is accessing, and that you are going to block them.

You can also show her some of the messenger conversations she is having, and ask her if she really knows who the person is she is talking to. If she gives out any sensitive information, you can and should point that out.

She probably won't like it

Well, as we all know, shes not going to like it. But then again, she probably won't like any supervision you give her. But it lets her know you are watching, that you know what she is doing and, above all, that you care.

It will give you edge you need -- and, what may be just as important...

Peace of mind.