I asked Xrytspet what her most harrowing space experience was. She flashed her yellow eyes which damn near blinded me and said, "Meeting you at the Glass Pool." I said, "Stop doing that. I won't be able to see 'til tomorrow." She said, "I forgot that you humans have slow shutter reflexes and no shutters. I'll try to control myself. Either that or you can put on your welding glasses. In fact, the welding glasses might be a good idea. They don't help your welding. Your welding beads look like snake tracks." Xrytspet was referring to the welds on the finder of my old pickup. "I said, "I'll have you know that I took welding at the West High School in Salt Lake City." She sat on my desk and said, "I studied your high school curriculums to see why humans are so stupid. I didn't see welding being offered." I said, "I'll explain it to you, Xrytspet, when Salt Lake City was founded, the rich gathered on the East Side of town with the apostles and prophets and the poor folks on the West Side with the farmers and teamsters. We started out together in 1847 in Pioneer Park but somehow my family got shifted to the wrong side of the tracks. "The East Side kids were to be the teachers, lawyers, doctors, and morticians. The West Side kids were to work with their hands. "I started my training at Jackson Junior High School and it continued at West High. I took wood working, electricity, metal working, ornamental iron working, machine shop, printing, art metal, and welding. The kids with cars took auto mechanics. During the Second World War you could take airplane mechanics, but we were too late for that. "I might add that the East Side kids were jealous as hell. They spent more of their time studying mathematics, Latin, and English composition." Xrytspet said, "You never finished your welding class, did you? I would say by your welding that-" I said, "It wasn't my fault. It was Larry Haywood's and my turn to charge the acetylene generator. The generator was outside on a high platform for safety. After we were finished, I climbed down from the platform but Larry Haywood threw calcium carbide down from the platform into the snow and then he threw a match. The blast swept across the football field and then echoed back to us. "Here is the sound it made: BOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM! "It was the age of Nuclear terror and the 1500 kids in the main building thought it was "all over." The teachers had to prod them out from under their desks. "Earnest Volker, the welding teacher-who was just coming out the school door to check on us when the blast occurred-thought we were dead. They had to take him home to recover from the shock." Xrytspet said, "The carbide formed acetylene and exploded. And you got kicked out of the class, right? That's why you can't weld." I said, "Not only the class, the school. "We had to go back to school with our mother's. "That didn't help because we broke out laughing in the Principal's office and couldn't stop. "We couldn't say why we were laughing either. "Finally they let us out of there and told us to give our mother's a tour of the high school." Xrytspet said, "And you were laughing in the principal's office because?" "Our principal was named Dan Baker. When we met in his office, he invited the vocational teacher in with us. His name was Mr. Peterson. That was the problem." Xrytspet said, "So?" "They both had the same eye impediment. They could control one eye but not the other. We had learned not to laugh at them singly but not when they were looking at each other with those two uncontrollable eyes flipping-" Xrytspet said, "Remind me never to take you to Slxptleeskeep in G1900009988." I said, "Are you going to give me a decent answer to my question?" Xrytspet said, "I answered it: Meeting you at the Glass Pool." She could be exasperating. I said, "Xrytspet, other than meeting me at the Glass Pool." She said, "That would be the Sentillon Quaduthunk. It sucks the loose stuff off the surface of planets." I said, "The what?" Xrytspet said, "The Sentillon Quaduthunk is a drone of the spaceship XL9STVR from Lodzrilla in G1277665. It can condense and restore matter somewhat into its normal form. It sucks up liquids, gases, grasses, trees, animals, and other loose stuff from the surface of planets of no more than twice the mass of earth. It spits back rocks and other undesirable loose stuff. The material is transported back to Lodzrilla where it is restored. Edibles are fed to the Grewdkons that live on Lodzrilla. Liquids and gases are used in processing for the populace." I said, "I suppose the Grewdkons are the Lodzrillan's gods." Xrytspet said, "You, as usual, suppose wrong Taylor Jones, the hack writer. The Grewdkons are their pets. I said, "Where did you last see the Sentillon Quaduthunk?" Xrytspet said, "Don't ask! Just don't let your garbage collector cart off my spaceship in that hydraulic-junk-squishing truck of his." |
