Should coming from the same background be a major issue in a relationship? In the 90s, one of the major things we sometimes overlook in a relationship is our partner's background. To us, 'what's love got to do with background'? But the truth is that coming from the same background can enhance a relationship. Our background develops our values and ideas about love, life and relationship.

A major conclusion reached is that having similar backgrounds in a relationship makes communication easier. Seeing things from the same perspective makes it easier to communicate and reason with your partner, without seeing that person as somebody from another planet. And naturally you are likely to be compatible.

Certain factors in your background help with compatibility. If you come from similar race, religion, social class, education and are around the same age, you are more likely to be compatible and enjoy a long-lasting relationship..

What beliefs does this person hold dear? Relationships last longer when both partners share basic beliefs in such matters as sex, parenting, friends, religion, leisure time and division of household labour.

If love were real estate, we would all be speculators. Even attractive, peaceful parcels can hide fault lines and toxic waste. Still, there are ways to recognise a good deal when you see it and to make the most of your investment once you are committed. Most times when people go into a relationship where they see things from different angles as a result of background; they know deep inside that it just won't work but they still put their hopes in the hands of destiny who is a cruel master. By the time the 'being in love' feeling subsides and reality sets in, the relationship crashes sooner than expected.

Imagine a thirty-year-old guy whose father is a rich businessman and mother a housewife. In his environment, his father is like a god. What he says is law. His wife dares not question his authority or else she may be beaten up, but he loves his wife. He drinks, he smokes and womanises.

No matter how much love the man has for any woman, he'll probably take after his father. Have you ever seen a man whose behavioural pattern differs from his father's or a woman who doesn't have anything in common with her mother? It is like looking for a virgin in a maternity ward.

Our attitude to love is most times formed by the way we see our parents talk and practise love.

In matters of relationships, background is something that should not be overlooked, although it is not a 100% guarantee for a successful relationship. An unhappy childhood for instance can make you have different expectations from a partner who had a happy experience, even if you appear to come from identical backgrounds.

Background should be a major factor that should be thoroughly looked into, reconciled and balanced before making a lifetime commitment. It is very important that love is built on this sound footing or else instead of enjoying in love, you will either be struggling or suffering in love as many couples are currently doing. If you're already in a troubled relationship, take an objective look into your partner's background and yours whether they tally.

You will possibly find that the reasons for your troubled relationship may be linked to issues in your partner's background. Remember nobody can change anybody from what he inherited unless he wants to change. Can anybody change you except you wish to change? When you are faced with a situation you can't change, you either change yourself, change the situation, stay in it, or break away from it.

The values you brought from your childhood are the ones you pass on to your children and they in turn will pass them to their children. How can you pass on good values to your kids in these difficult times?